


How it could have been

by LadyGravdian



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/F, Gen, Multi-POV, Reunion, S2 Canon Divergence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-09-19 12:33:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9440654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyGravdian/pseuds/LadyGravdian
Summary: In which Sara doesn't sleep with Ollie, Nyssa comes to understand Sara' actions and Sara' reasons for hating the killing are a little diffrent.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Another option for the Season 2 Nysara reunion. Nyssa is a much deeper and empathetic person than the show gives her credit for. I think she could have come to understand Sara's motives, but they couldn't have properly reconciled after Sara slept with Ollie. All forms of feedback are welcome and highly encouraged.
> 
> Not beta read, all mistakes are my own.

Nyssa was tired. She had been awake for the past 96 hours, going on nothing other than her rage and sorrow at Sara's betrayal, but now it was simmering down, because she was trying to understand. She was on a plane over the Pacific headed to Starling City International Airport. Her stomach was making its displeasure at the lack of sustenance known, so she was glad when a flight attendant serve dinner. 

As she ate her mind wandered to Sara. Not her Ta-er-asfar, no, the other Sara. Sara Lance daughter daughter of Quentin and Diana Lance, a police detective and a college professor. The girl that had gotten on a yacht with her sister's boyfriend to spite her, the girl that had spent a year on that dreadful ship and three months on that deserted island. The one that had been in two shipwrecks and survived, the one that had been on the receiving end of Slade Wilson's madness and survived, the one that had been shot, burned, beaten, dehydrated and starving and had... been ready to die. The thought,or better said memory, shocked her. Sara had been ready to die, she had curled away from Nyssa,trying to protect the shivering little boy in her arms, but once he had died she had welcomed death and asked Nyssa to return her body to her family. Even in death she had wanted to be reunited with her family.

Nyssa had promised her she would be, but instead Nyssa had kept her alive and in turn away from her family. She couldn't understand why Ta-er-asfar would leave the League and betray her, but in away she had betrayed Sara Lance when she brought her to Nanda Parbat. When she had kept Sara away from her family. Nyssa had been trained in the the League's ways her entire life, had never known anything else and had never wished for another life. Every part of her being had been bound by her duty to the League. Until she had met Ta-er-asfar, then Nyssa's heart had been bound to her. 

The had made Ta-er-asfar leaving so hard to bear. While Nyssa loved Ta-er-asfar with all her heart and was willing to place her above all others, Sara could not do that. She realized that Nyssa choosing to stick her neck out for Ta-er-asfar, the only person she truly loved in the entire world, was something completely different than Sara doing the same. Ta-er-asfar had done so, on more than one ocession, but it was different for her because Nyssa was not the only person Sara Lance had loved. Sara Lance had a loving family and friends from her old life that were still alive, tied her to her old life, that could be used against her. 

All the other members of the League did not have this, all their connections to their old life had been severed, so there was no reason for the to turn their back on the League. The more Nyssa thought about it the more Sara's actions made sense. It made her stomach churn, but it was the truth. If Sara's love for her family was anything as passionate as Nyssa's for Ta-er-asfar, not knowing whether or not they had perished must have been torture. She had calculated the time frame in which Ta-er-asfar must have learned of Al Sa-her's Undertaking and if she was correct Ta-er-asfar had stayed with Nyssa for 5 months afterwards, longer than Nyssa could fathom being away from her Canary when she knew that Ta-er-asfar was unhurt. She had tried to stay. Ta-er-asfar had not wanted to betray her, she felt herself starting to empathize Sara Lance. 

Ta-er-asfar would never betray the League or Nyssa. For Nyssa Ta-er-asfar and Sara Lance had always been two different entities. Sara Lance was scared, foolish, little girl, weak where her Canary was strong, afraid where her Canary with brave, giving up where her Canary pressed on, ready to die while her Canary survived. 

During their time together Nyssa had fallen in love with Ta-er-asfar, the woman that had been born out of the wreckage that had been Sara Lance, but perhaps Sara Lance had not truly died on that island. She had always known that there was a small part of Sara Lance that lived on in her Ta-er-asfar, it was highly probable that it was part of the light inside her Canary that had drawn Nyssa in, like a moth to a flame. If that part had grown and won dominance over Ta-er-asfar,the League loyal assassin, then Sara's actions were logical. If she stopped thinking of the woman as Ta-er-asfar and started thinking of her as Sara Lance again, she could (she hated it, but she could) see the logic behind Sara's actions. To Sara Lance family was everything, she felt the same sense of duty towards them, that Nyssa felt towards her father, Ra's al Guhl. If Nyssa forced herself to think about it like that, then Sara Lance had acted out of love, pain and a sense of duty, and Nyssa could not fault her for that. Nyssa realized that she was starting to understand her Canary's actions. The betrayal and rage had felt since waking up to find Sara's side of the bed empty turned to grief as she forgave Sara and mourned the loss of her Beloved. 

An hour before the plane landed her anger returned, but this time it was not aimed at Sara, but at herself for not seeing her Canary's suffering. She should have seen it sooner, she should have been more aware of her beautiful birds hidden pain while she had still been her's. She should have been there for Ta-er-asfar, to comfort her in her grief and find out the fates of her family from Nanada Parbat. Instead her deliberate blindness had caused her to lose the one person she had truly loved and the one person who had truly cared about her. 

 

Nyssa had been following Sara for days. She wanted to see the life that had taken her Beloved from her. It made her heart clench to see that she had been depriving her little bird of so much unconditional love and joy. She understood how she could never have been enough to keep Ta-er-asfar with her. She was twisted, cold, haunted, so full of darkness and from this city's perspective high immoral. 

Sara was walking home with her sister Laurel and a friend of their's. Other than the fact that Ta-er-asfar was clearly pretending to be slightly intoxicated nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Then she saw the men approaching them from both sides of the sidewalk, cutting off any escape for an untrained person. She watched, tense, as Sara exchanged threats with the leader of this gang of deplorable human beings. When she saw the man attack her Canary she felt the familiar protective anger swell up in her chest and dropped down on to the ground. She saw the look in the men's eyes before the fight turned against them and she knew what they wanted to do to these innocent girls. No woman should suffer at the hands of men.

The man closest to her was about launch himself at Sara. 

She slit his throat, seething.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!  
> I hope you like the first chapter. I tried hard to show Nyssa slowly staring to think of Ta-er-asfar and Sara Lance of the same person and understand that she loves Sara in her entirety and not just the part that belonged to the League.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! School and life got in the way and I really wanted to do the first chapter justice. That said tonight I decided to just sit down and finish it, so here it is the second chapter of my second fanfic. I tried to keep with the other chapter's style, but I had a lot more action to get through so let me know how well I succeed. 
> 
> Here you go! Enjoy!
> 
> As all ways any and all feedback is welcome!

Laurel is happy that she forgave her sister. She needed to move on from the whole 2007 debacle. Now she was enjoying a night out with Sara and Thea. They'd gone to the movies, then had dinner at some fancy restaurant and were walking to Laurel's place, Sara already slightly intoxicated, to finish off the night with a movie and TV show marathon to catch Sarah up on the past six years. They were laughing and talking like they had before Sara had died, as if nothing had come between them. 

Suddenly four large, dangerous-looking men appeared out of the alley in front of them. Laurel turned around and saw three more guys approaching from behind. Captain Lance had made both his daughters take self-defense classes, but Laurel worried, the mere sight of them had her hands clammy with set. Together, she and Sara might have been able to take down two of these guys, maybe three if they were lucky. Knowing what she had to do, Laurel reached toward her purse to call her dad. 

" I wouldn't do that if I were you.", the biggest of the seven of them said, twirling a mean looking, serrated knife between his fingers.

"And I wouldn't do that if I were you!", there are yelled at the men. Laurel, who had been frozen in fear, sighed inwardly. Why did Sara have to antagonize them? They might have let them go before, but now there was no chance of escaping this without a fight or the police.

"And what exactly are you referring to?", the man sing-songed, clearly amused. 

"Threatening us. You have no idea who you're messing with. I would leave now before you do something you'll regret." This time Sara's voice was so cold it sent shivers down Laurel's spine. When had Sara learned to do that? 

" And who am I messing with?" 

" Laurel and Sara Lance. Captain Lance is our dad and my sister here is an ADA." 

" I don't really see how that matters." He said dismissively, stepping towards Sara. 

"It's your funeral." Sara said matter-of-factly blocked his oncoming fist. 

Laurel's shock at her sister's lack of reaction to the force of the blow, was shoved to the back of her mind when all of the men attacked at once. She had been getting back into her work-out routine and self-defense courses after her latest kidnapping, and now she was really glad that she had. Her entire mind went blank of any thoughts outside of the ensuing fight. She blocked blows from two of the men and managed to get in a few hits here and there. Weirdly the others converged on her sister. How was she keeping up with all of them without getting her ass handed to her? She had known that the version of Sara that had comeback had to be different somehow, but she hadn't expected this. While she was struggling with her two assailants Sara seemed to be enjoying herself, treating the fight more like a game than anything else. She was switching opponents at an incredible speed and was giving off plenty of cheeky comments while she beating the crap out of them. Laurel focuses back on the guys in front of her. She manages to get in a powerful jab to the solar plexus and one of them goes down. It takes her a full minute to get rid of the other one and she gets a black eye and a split lip for her trouble. She was impressed by herself and her sister, but now that she thought about possible sources for Sara's new abilities she decided that she would rather not know. She knew from Oliver and her father that surviving sometimes requires horrible things. Behind Sara the last of the men was about to launch himself at her.

“Sara! Wat....”  
As her sister turned around the man fell to the ground, revealing a tall woman in black and red leather holding a bloody knife in one hand. It took her a second to make the connection between it and the blood spewing from the thugs neck. Once she had she gulped.  
Looking at Sara she saw that all of the aggression had drained out of her body. She could not see her sister's expression, but it was clear that Sara's jaw had literally dropped. Apparently Sara knew this woman, but she had not expected her to be here.

What Laurel hadn't expected was her sister's reaction. Sara sobbed, breaking out into tears and started babbling in a language Laurel didn't understand. The words sounded strange to her monolingual ears, yet she thought them spoken in a pleading tone. As she was talking her sister started to shake, the sobs wracking her body. Laurel had never ever seen her sister so distressed. It was a totally new side to Sara that was completely foreign to her. The situation as a whole was strange and this aspect of it had Laurel at a loss for what to do, so she didn't do anything.

Sara seemed oblivious to her surroundings and when she took a step forward it didn't seem like a conscious decision. The strange woman barely reacted to Sara, but the expressionless mask that covered her face seemed to be slipping. Over a backdrop a constant steam of words Sara's actions had Laurel suspecting that She wanted something from this stranger. A tornado of questions had invaded her mind. Since when could her sister beat up guys thrice her size? Since when did Sara speak another language? Since when did her sister cry so openly? Since when was her sister not afraid of murderers?!

Sara took another step forward seemingly more out of instinct than anything else. This time the strange woman mirrored her by stepping over the body of her victim. Laurel gulped, thinking about how casually she had murdered that man. She was truly concerned for her still hysterically babbling sister. What would this sociopath do to her? Why did Sara trust her?

Suddenly remembering that there was a fourth conscious person on the sidewalk, Laurel turned around to look at Thea. She was staring transfixed in Sara's direction. She was shivering, but otherwise seemed to be fine. She hadn't gotten hurt and didn't seem to be in shock. Laurel had invited Thea along tonight as a buffer to prevent her and Sara from discussing Ollie, but now she felt guilty for putting Thea in danger.

“Laurel, look.” Thea stammered, pulling Laurel out of her thoughts.

Laurel turned around again. Sara and the stranger were on their knees arms wrapped around each other...

...and they weren't talking anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it. Did I manage to keep a similar style to chapter 1? What are your thoughts?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! I'm sorry it took so long! Enjoy!

"Sara! Wa..."

Sara turned around. The man, that had been about to launch himself at her, fell forward and revealed her.

It took Sara a moment to process the fact that Nyssa was truly here. She had known that the League would send someone after her, but she had not thought of the possibility that Ra's al Guhl would send Nyssa. Her eyes flicked down to the bloody knife in the other woman's hands, then up to the pain in her eyes.

And then she lost it.

She hated herself for putting Nyssa through all this pain, for forcing her into making a decision between killing her and betraying the League, for leaving her all alone, for not being strong enough. She should have thought more about the consequences her actions would have on others (Nyssa), of course it would endanger her family, of course it would devastate Nyssa and of course Ra's al Guhl would send her to deal with Sara. He had never approved of their relationship and was using this as a way to punish Nyssa for her lack of judgment.

She burst into tears and strength drained from her body.

She was talking before she knew it. If this was going to be the end then she wanted Nyssa to know everything. She should know the truth and the complexity of the knot of feelings in her stomach. Nyssa had always deserved better than her, but now that all was said and done she at least deserved to know the causes behind Sara's actions. The tears on her face picked up speed as she laid out her heart before her Beloved. No! Sara did not deserve to call her that. Somewhere deep in her subconscious a part of her had decided to use Arabic so if Nyssa's native tongue would somehow make it easier for her to understand Sara's betrayal.

"Nyss, I'm so sorry! I tried to stay I really did! But I know that doesn't change anything or make it better! I'm so sorry I truly amazing! I tried to ignore them! And when I couldn't, I tried to find them from there. They weren't important enough to make the news, but I knew that Laurel's worked in the Glades! I didn't want to hurt you, but I knew it would so that doesn't change anything! I know and I'm sorry! You deserved better! Better than stealing away at night without a goodbye! Better than me! You deserve someone who is willing to give everything for you! Someone who can be a true member of the League, someone who will help you when you become Ra's al Guhl!”

She took a step towards Nyssa, only half conscious, the need to be close to her outweighing the utter revulsion that Sara felt towards herself.

“I'm sooo sorry Nyssa! I should have been better! I should have tried harder! I left you alone and that is unforgivable! When I told you that I love you I meant it! But I wasted what you gifted me! I'm sooo sorry I put you through all that pain! I don't deserve to be able to say that I love you! I should have stayed for you! You shouldn't have to go through this...!”

She took another step forward as she threw her heart out towards the love of her life. Nyssa had been there for her when no one else had. She had taken care of her when no one else would. She truly deserved better than Sara. Now that she was going to die, she wanted Nyssa to know that she loved her. She wanted to prevent Nyssa's walls from snapping up again and suffocating the Demon's Heir. She wanted to let the woman who was her entire world know that she was a wonderful human being. She was shaking and when she tried to take another step, her legs folded underneath the weight of her guilt. She fell forward, still talking, and Nyssa caught her, like she always did.

“an..and I didn't want to become like her. You told me what she was, why you hated her and I was scared that that was what was happening to me. There was so much killing and I stopped being afraid of it. I stopped caring about their lives. The small amount of soul left to me was being consumed by my lack of morality. I was becoming like her, Nyssa! I was becoming like Talia!”

Sobbing, she continued.

“I couldn't live with you hating me like that and when I came here it became to hard to leave simply to become a monster when I returned!”

Nyssa cut in, “Ta-er-asfar..”

“NO! I don't deserve the name you gave me!” 

Nyssa grabbed her face and forced Sara to look at her. Sara averted her eyes.

“Look at me.” Sara's eyes tentatively flicked up to Nyssa's. “You are nothing like Talia. You have never enjoyed taking a life, have you?” 

“No” Sara's voice was barely above a whisper.

Nyssa continued to speak with her calm, melodious and reassuring voice. “You have never taken an innocent life, just because you didn't care, is that right?”

“Yes”

“You are Ta-er-asfar and you earned that name in full. As for becoming like my sister. You could never. You care too much. You love so quickly and with such passion. You can find the light in everything, yet you are the brightest one of all. You are my world and I forgive you for returning to another part of yours.”

“I don't deserve your forgiveness.” Sara said with a conviction that almost broke Nyssa's heart all over again.

“While you are entitled to your opinion, my beautiful little bird, my forgiveness is mine to give. I gladly give it to you because I believe that I can understand the reasons behind your actions. But I need your forgiveness to. I should have seen what was happening behind your beautiful eyes. I should have been there for you.”

Sara didn't think that was true, didn't see how Nyssa could need her forgiveness, but knew what Nyssa needed to hear. So she said;

“I forgive you.”

At that, Nyssa pulled her into a kiss. Sara's shock at the action subsided as quickly as it arrived. Her mind was blissfully blank of anything other than her love for this woman, as their bodies melted together in their familiar dance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I consider this fic finished. If you really want more then tell me where to take it next in the comments. I something inspires me then you might just get a chapter 4. Thank you for sticking with me!


End file.
